Irregardless

The amount of time the Fox and the Opossum had been waiting for their names to be called at the DMV was reaching an unacceptable amount of minutes. The Fox and the Opposum had both gotten appointments for their DMV visit because they hated waiting for too long and yet still, here they were waiting.

“I can’t believe it,” the Fox exclaimed, “What’s the point of having an appointment if you’re not going to be seen at the appointed time?”

“Exactly!” the Opposum concurred, “Why would they even give you the option to be seen at a specific time if they were just going to see you whenever they damn well please irregardless!”

The term ‘irregardless’ always rubbed the Fox the wrong way. He had long since conceded that irregardless was indeed a word, he wasn’t one of those people, but he just always found the word irregardless a bit irritating to hear. A mash of r’s and l’s and s’s that just felt like they all got thrown into a dryer and spit out of your mouth willy-nilly.

“Yeah, it’s terrible,” the Fox added, cautiously, hoping to stop talking to the irregardless person.

“Quite frankly,” continued the Opposum, “Irregardless of whether I’m next or not, I’m just going to march up there and say I was scheduled for a certain time and I want to be seen!”

The Fox cringed but now there was another issue. His appointment was definitely scheduled before the Opposum. So if anyone was going to march up and demand to be seen it was going to be him.

“Well, I might do that right with you, except I’ll go first since my appointment was before yours.” said the Fox.

“Well, irregardless, one of us should say something, we’re in this together,” offered the Opposum.

Great, thought the Fox, now he was going to be associated with this Irregardless Possum whether he liked it or not. What an absolute cast of loons you can find at the DMV on any given day.

A DMV agent just finished helping with another customer when the Opposum shouted from the waiting room --

“You there! My friend and I both made appointments that were supposed to be seen nearly 30 minutes ago! Care to tell us when we’ll be seen?”

Phew, thought the Fox, he got a sentence out without saying irregardless.

“Irregardless of whether you can take him now and me next we’d like to be seen in a timely fashion please!” The Possum continued.

The Fox cringed, and the DMV agent looked at him as if to say - Wow you’re with the irregardless lady, yeesh.

“Okay, I’ll take you next seems like you were up anyway,” The DMV agent, a Pelican, said to the Fox.

The Fox smiled and looked at the Irregardless Opposum, despite his strong dislike of her one personality trait she had done him a favor and got him seen at the DMV. He thought to himself about how judgmental he was towards her for no reason at all and decided that from now on he wouldn’t try to stop himself from getting annoyed at folks for little things like that.

“Good job, I’m going to get my stuff done,” The Fox said to the Opposum, “And I’ll make sure that irregardless of whose next you’re getting the spot after me.”

The Opposum smiled back, she didn’t care for the way the Fox said Irregardless back to her. It felt mocking. She regretted helping him out but would take his offer of making sure she was next just so she could get out of this dang DMV.