It Can't Get Much Worse...
“If it isn’t one thing it’s another!” Lamented the Cardinal, “I just can’t catch a dang break!”
It had been, as you may have guessed, a particularly bad week for Larry, a Cardinal. It was one of those weeks where not only did everything go wrong that could go wrong but there were several instances in which things that had absolutely no chance of going wrong managed to defy the odds and go wrong as well.
Larry was having, without exaggeration, one of the worst weeks in the forest and even on the planet at large.
Everyone around Larry knew it too. Folks who were just having regular old bad weeks, or weeks that were maybe not quite as fun, would step aside and make way for Larry. He would bitch and complain and whine and moan to whoever would listen.
“My car wouldn’t start!” Larry would begin, then, “My phone wouldn’t charge!” Then, “My hip is on the fritz!” Then, “My basement flooded!” Followed by, “I can’t find my TV remote!” And then, “I’m hot!” With a little, “I have a headache!” and “I need a root canal” thrown in for good measure.
Larry could not believe this much bad fortune could befall one person.
One day while Larry was lamenting loudly in a coffee shop, with all the locals allowing him the space to do so, a Raccoon from out of town overheard all of the things going wrong with Larry. The Raccoon stopped and listened to Larry, truly concerned with what a difficult time this Cardinal must be having in life. The Raccoon offered some advice from the bottom of his heart that had often brought him confidence during difficult times.
“Sir, I couldn’t help but overhear what a difficult time you seem to be going through, I’d just like to say, “God gives the toughest tests to his strongest soldiers.”
The entire coffee shop became tense. It was pin-drop silence. No one says anything like that to Larry. He has one of the worst lives on Earth, he knows it, and…
He’s proud of it.
“How dare you!” shouted Larry, “How dare you take pity on me! I am not saying all of these things to be pitied, you judgmental nudnick!”
The Raccoon was taken aback
“This is my life. Bad things happen. I’m allowed to talk about them, okay?”
“I never said you weren’t I just…” stammered the Raccoon. “I was just trying to…”
“To what? You were just trying to make me feel better? Because God thinks I’m strong? So if God thought I was weak, I’d have a better life? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, it’s just a saying… I never really thought about it,” the Raccoon continued. “I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted” Larry replied.
The Raccoon left and the coffee shop went back to its normal hum with Larry continuing his rant about his difficult life and everyone else allowing him the space to vent, as he had the right to do.