My Favorite Pizza
Three Frogs were sitting in a pizzeria trying to figure out what to order.
“My favorite kind of pizza is plain cheese.” Started Fiona, the first Frog.
“My favorite kind of pizza is Pepperoni,” said Phillip, the second Frog.
“My favorite kind of pizza is Veggie Lover’s!” Added Vegeta, the third frog.
“Veggie lovers?” Fiona and Phillip said nearly in unison.
“Yeah what’s wrong with veggie lovers?” Vegeta answered,
“Nothing really, I guess…” Fiona conceded, “I just never heard someone say that was their favorite pizza.”
“Well, that’s no reason to say ‘veggie lovers?’ to me all judge-y like that,” Vegeta implored.
“It’s not the Veggie part that’s weird though,” Phillip chimed in, “It’s the ‘lovers’ part.”
Now it was Vegeta and Fiona’s turn to look at Phillip askance.
“Lover’s?” Vegeta asked, “What’s so wrong about the ‘lover’s’ part?”
“It just had a weird connotation, like you’re in love with veggies.”
Vegeta and Fiona could not believe what they were hearing.
“Excuse me?” Fiona
“You think I’m in love with Veggies?” Vegeta asked snidely, “Just because that’s what my favorite pizza is called?”
“Well yeah,” Phillip continued, “And quite frankly I don’t see why you two are so shocked. I’m not the one misinterpreting the name of this pizza. If anything you two are not thinking critically enough.”
Vegeta and Fiona both looked at each other, shocked in that way where they were also on the verge of laughter. There was no way that Phillip could be serious right now. He’s putting them on. He must be.
“It’s important to engage critically with your surroundings and all the external stimuli that you take in,” Phillip went on, “If you don’t, well, that’s how they take over your brain and make you a robot.”
He was not joking. Vegeta and Fiona became very concerned. Phillip had always been a bit odd but this was certifiably cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. They weren’t sure how they were going to proceed with the rest of the meal.
“Well why don’t we change the subject,” Fiona started, “Has anyone seen any good mov—“
“Hey everyone welcome to Pizza Brigade!” Their server interrupted, “Great to have you here with us today, as a reminder of our new policy gratuity is already included in the check so let’s all have a good time. What can I get for you?”
“I’d like a plain cheese, thanks” Fiona ordered.
“And I’d like a…” Vegeta hesitated, she didn’t want to say her order out loud for fear of triggering Phillip again, “Well I…”
Vegeta picked up the menu and pointed to the Veggie Lovers.
“Got it, one veggie lover,” the server repeated as she wrote on her pad.
Fiona and Vegeta looked at Phillip to see what he was going to do but to their surprise, he simply took one final glance at his menu, unbothered by the order. Vegeta and Fiona were relieved.
“And for you sir?”
“I would like a pepperoni pizza with double, double, pepperoni,” Phillip ordered, “That’s 2 double pepperonis, please.”
“Would you like to just make that a Pepperoni lover’s pie?” The Server asked.
“Oh no,” Thought Fiona.
“Here we go,” said Vegeta.
“No, I would not like a Pepperoni lover’s pizza,” Phillip started, “I am not pepperoni’s clandestine suitor, and implying that I am is frankly slander. I would simply like 2 doubles of pepperoni, thank you.”
“It’s more expensive to add double, double pepperoni than it is to just order a pepperoni lover sir…” the server tried explaining.
“The cost to my dignity by submitting to this ridiculous nomenclature is worth much more than your egregious surcharge,” Phillip responded.
“Hey cool bro whatever you want, gratuity is automatic so I’m just trying to help you out here.”
“Thanks, bro” Phillip replied, attempting derision but coming off more like an uptight nerd, “But I am very smart, and if I think I’m right, good luck changing my mind.”
The pizzas arrived hot and fresh and delicious, everyone ate while discussing the weather so as not to inflame any more passions. The server made a little extra income that day so she was stoked.
