The Duck Ruins Lemonade - Part One

The Duck was up to no good, again. The Duck had a reputation of being a complete and utter nudnik, a scam artist, a meanie, a bully, a n’er do well, a plonker, a thriptite, a flaxmuffin, and even more as of yet unused words to describe a generally obnoxious individual.

This time the Duck had set up a lemonade stand on the side of the road. His grand idea was to sell people water with very little lemon and very little sugar so that he could reduce costs and maximize profit. Technically he was selling lemonade, but it was unsatisfying and not at all what anyone was expecting from a roadside lemonade stand.

You may be thinking, well what’s to stop anyone who got the lemonade from asking for their money back? The Duck had thought of that too, he'd written in very small lettering, but still in plain sight, “No refunds on consumable beverages, for sanitary reasons.” Pretty reasonable -- and diabolical.

Now you might be thinking well if there were no refunds offered I think I would just take the money back by force. Go beat up the Duck and make him give me my money back. Well as fun as it may sound to go beat up a Duck always remember when dealing with a Duck, they think of everything. So the Duck had actually hired some of his nieces and nephews to man the station. They were all very new ducklings to this world and were so cute that you couldn’t help but stop by and say hello. When you did that you'd hear them make their cute little pitch to “Please buy some lennonade!” (Yes they even mispronounced lemonade as lennonade, adorable). The Duck had thought of everything. The Duck sucks! He always sucks! I dun told y’all

So at the beginning of the day the Duck went off and bought one lemon, 3 tablespoons of sugar, and 500 glasses, got some free water from a hose in someone’s backyard, and filled up three 10-gallon tanks with his "lemonade". He didn't even care to buy ice. "Too expensive," the Duck said. For this, the Duck was charging the low-low price of 5 dollars a glass.

On the one hand, sure, the Duck was smart. You can never underestimate the demand for lemonade on a hot summer day. And this day was a SCORCHER. Holy guacamole was it hot. You could cook on the sidewalk. So you better believe the "lemonade" in those tanks was going to be hot. Which, would probably also make people mad.

Did the Duck care about any of that though? Come on, you already know he doesn't.

The line for lemonade was immediately long and stretched for blocks. Folks from all over were coming to get a glass of refreshing lemonade. Of course, we know that was not in the cards for anyone in line. The first customer of the day was a Squirrel who had just finished up a very long bicycle ride. He was huffing and puffing, sweating and sucking wind. He gathered up enough energy and —

“Hi little ducklings, I would like one glass of lemonade, please,” the Squirrel ordered.

The ducklings quickly filled up a cup, took the Squirrel’s money and moved on. The next customer was a Snake.

“One lemonade please,” asked the Snake.

Again the Snake was given his lemonade and moved on. This happened for the next two customers and then stepped up the Cat, Sheena.

Thurman stepped up to the booth and didn’t say anything. The ducklings began to pour a glass of lemonade but Sheena gently asked them to wait for a moment. Out of the corner of her eye, Sheena had spotted one of the ducklings taking the money behind a nearby tree. Sheena had an inkling that the Duck was very likely behind this whole situation. It had all his trademarks all over it. The situation seemed too sweet and too good to be true. She became immediately suspicious and knew better than to trust anything about this setup.

Sure enough, right then, the Squirrel returned, irate.

“Now what’s the big idea here? That wasn’t lemonade at all! That was lukewarm water! It barely tasted of lemon or sugar!” Screamed the Squirrel.

The ducklings responded as they had been instructed to by Carter.

“Well, that’s too bad! Next!” They shouted, in unison. As the line behind Sheena started to cut around her to get some lemonade.

"This is outrageous!" shouted the Squirrel.

"No one cares!" Shouted a skunk who pushed his way through to order a lemonade, paid the ducklings, then drank it all down in one gulp.

"Hey, what's the big idea!" Shouted the Skunk, "This is outrageous!"

Still, no one in the long line believed any of the customers. Why, after all, would there be such a long line for a terrible product?

Sheena was overwhelmed with all of this. She knew the Duck was up to no good again and left unchecked he'd only get worse. She sighed. Sheena knew what she had to do. Even though she had planned a pretty extensive day for herself, complete with a trip to the art museum and gardens, a nice dinner with friends, and a comedy show later in the evening - all of that had to get put on hold. She had to be the change she wished to see in the world. So though she didn't plan it this morning, looks like Sheena was opening up a lemonade stand right now.