Hopscotch

A Raccoon and a Rabbit were playing a game of hopscotch together. The two had never actually played hopscotch as a game before, it had always been the type of activity that they had merely just done a few times and moved on.

“So we agree to the rules, yes?” Solomon, the Raccoon asked the Rabbit.

“Yes, let me just confirm, we’re going to keep going, one hopscotch after the other, till one of us collapses?” Said Huey, the Rabbit, recapping the rules.

“Exactly!” Solomon exclaimed. “Let’s start, you go first.”

Huey didn’t want to go first, he wanted Solomon to go first. The person who went first will have been hopscotching way more than the person who went second and therefore would be more likely to pass out sooner. This must be some kind of trick.

“I don’t think so,” Huey replied, “I think you’re going to need to go first!”

Rats thought Solomon. His plan was to make Huey go first so that they would have been hopscotching longest by default and therefore more likely to collapse. This has thrown a real monkey wrench in Solomon’s brilliant plan.

“What do you have against going first? That’s such an honor!” Solomon offered.

“No, it’s not, I’ll just be hopscotching longer than you by default and therefore I will likely collapse sooner than you and then you’d win!” Huey said triumphantly, “I’m not an idiot.”

Solomon had never been more proud of his long-time friend, Huey. For as long as the two have known each other Huey has been an unequivocal idiot. Once Huey left his home and forgot where he lived. Once Huey ate a corn dog and pooped out the stick. One time Huey borrowed a book from the library and never took it back and then took it back years later and paid a fine. Total idiot.

“I’m so proud of you Huey,” Solomon said, beaming, “We don’t have to play hopscotch I think you’ve finally realized what I was hoping you would realize about yourself, this whole time.”

Huey was confused, he did want to play this game of hopscotch he just didn’t want to go first. This seems like a really weird tangent for Solomon to go down. What did Huey’s personal growth have to do with their game of hopscotch? Whatever it was it wasn’t fun. And Huey was here to have fun with his friend. And that’s what he was going to do. No matter what.

“Fine,” said Huey, “I’ll go first.”

Huey started to hopscotch and didn’t stop till he collapsed. Solomon ended up winning the game, though it was at least acknowledged that had Huey gone second and Solomon gone first the results might have been different.