"Kiss Me, I'm A Shopper!"

An Elk had decided to do some shopping and check out the sales on one of the biggest sales and shopping days of the year. Typically, the Elk was not much of a shopper but on one particular Friday, every year, right after Thanksgiving, everyone was a shopper.

The day was usually filled with lots and lots of shopping-related pageantry and revelry. Many natural-born shoppers even dressed up in shirts that said things like:

"Kiss Me, I'm A Shopper!"

"If I'm Still Standing, I'm Still Shopping!"

"Out Of My Way, There's A Sale Behind You!"

And several other shirts of a similar nature..

Part of the reason the Elk participated in this shopper’s holiday is because most things the Elk wanted to do on any particular day involved exchanging legal tender for goods or services. It was impossible to exist in a public space on the shopper’s holiday without being bombarded by shopping. So in that sense, the Elk didn't actually participate in the holiday as much as he was simply a caught bystander who had no choice.

At one particular store, the Elk was confronted by a native shopper, one who loved their shopping heritage and all it entailed. This native shopper was a skunk, and sure enough, was wearing a shirt with a pithy saying about being a shopper. There's said:

"If Found, Please Return To Nearest Clearance Rack"

The Elk was curious about this shirt and decided to take a short break from being a shopper and become a curious, friendly, stranger for a moment —

“Hey, cool shirt.” The Elk commented.

The Skunk ignored the Elk and continued shopping. The Elk pressed on —

“Where’s the best stuff today?” The Elk continued.

Again the Skunk ignored the Elk as if the Elk were only a 10% Off sign. The Elk tried one more time…

“Do you…”

"Move it or lose it, kid, you're standing right in front of the luxurious socks I've had my eyes since the circular came out."

The Elk stepped to the side as the Skunk tore through the sock sale like they had trained for it. It was Olympic level of attention to detail and sifting to find only the exact correct sock the Skunk was shopping for. Innate ability and instinct.

When the Skunk finally had all the luxury socks it could stand (or afford) the Skunk turned to the Elk one last time and gave him some parting advice:

"Look, I can tell you're young, and you ain't really a shopper, and that's fine..." The Skunk began, as he did one final socks scan to make sure there wasn’t some cool pair they had missed, "But let me tell you this, shopper or not, this will be a great lesson for the rest of your life. If..."

As the Skunk was beginning the life lesson an announcement came over the speaker in the store:

"Attention shoppers, there will be a 10-minute flash sale on exotic trinkets in the front of the store, I repeat, 10-minute flash sale, exotic trinkets, front of the store, starting… now"

The Elk looked down for the Skunk to finish their great life lesson, but the Skunk was long gone. A hoard of shoppers started running by the Elk, it was a chaotic scene. The Elk had no clue what to do, he quickly retreated to the safety of an empty dressing room where he could be out of the way till the rush subsided.

As the Elk exited the dressing room he decided he had enough shopping for today. He gingerly opened the door to see if the rush had indeed subsided, it had. The life of a shopper is filled with sudden danger.

On the way out the Elk saw a new shirt for sale near the doorway:

"I Survived Exotic Trinkets Rush Of 2021"

The Elk chuckled, bought one, and wore it out.