No Kerplunk, No Fun
Four birds were sitting in a tree watching a golf tournament. They picked this specific spot, in this specific tree because it had the best view of the lake, where balls would often go kerplunk.
The Birds loved that sound, kerplunk, it was so pure and sonorous and wonderful. The only problem with this beautiful sound was that it was often followed by the sound of far-off swearing and yelling and cussing since the cause of this sound was invariably someone who hit a bad golf shot and was now upset about it.
The Birds would often wonder if it was wrong of them to get so much pleasure out of something that caused others so much pain. They… Well…
Actually, hang on, now that I think about it, it seems silly to equate something so fleeting as a single golf shot with the moral weight of ‘causing someone pain,’ you know? I mean, it’s a golf shot, you didn’t hit a great one and now it’s at the bottom of the lake. What a huge sad day.
So the birds kept watching as golfer after golfer got a little too big for their britches and hit shot after shot right into the lake:
Kerplunk
Kerplunk
Kerplunk
Each time immediately followed by:
#@!#%
!@#$%@#$$
@&#&#$&&!!
After one of these sequences a golfer, who was a Bear, noticed the Birds enjoying his kerplunk and took offense. The Bear was getting mad in that specific way where you're mad and feel furious but powerless, the kind of anger where all the tension is prickly and seemingly right underneath your skin, and even a light breeze hitting you the wrong way will set you off. You think you're in control but you're a little outside yourself.
As the Bear walked down the fairway to the designated drop zone by the edge of the lake he looked up at the Birds and decided to give them a piece of his mind.
"Hey, Birds!" The Bear began, seething, "You're all real pieces of work for laughing at people whose balls go in the lake! Real... Real... Real lame of you!"
All the Birds started laughing.
"You're all a bunch of jamokes! What good are you? Do you just sit in the tree and make fun of people? You... You... Jamokes!" The Bear continued, 'jamoke' seemingly being his insult of the day because he was too mad to think straight.
The Bear then held his arm out to drop his ball and hit another shot. The ball hit the ground, bounced, and then immediately rolled right into the dang lake. THIS! WAS NOT! THE BEAR'S FREAKING DAY! The Bear tried to take a deep breath to calm down and braced himself for even more laughter from the Birds...
But the Birds were quiet. The ball just rolled into the lake, no kerplunk, no fun. The Bear, confused, turned to them:
"What? No one's laughing at my ball going in the lake?"
"No, we only like it when it makes the kerplunk sound," Said one of the Birds.
"Oh..." Now the Bear was embarrassed. He had made such a scene and judged the Birds and yelled at them when really they weren't being so bad. "Well, sorry about... all of the..."
"Don't worry about it," The Bird responded, "You're not the first."
The Bear tried to settle down and drop another ball so he could play his shot. This one also hit the ground, bounced, and then rolled right into the lake. The Bear's anger returned. In a fit of rage, he picked up his golf bag and chucked it into the Lake. It made a big splash but again, no kerplunk.
"Hey, Bear!" Another of the Birds yelled down. "Come join us up here."
The Bear was confused. Why would these Birds invite him to join them after he was just so mean to them?
"We get it, we used to be golfers too and now all our golf stuff is right where yours is... That's why we hang out up here."
The Bear chuckled to himself, looked up at the sky, then climbed the tree and sat down next to the birds as another golfer off in the distance took a swing towards the lake and...
Kerplunk
