The Longest Red Light In The World

A Turtle driving a U-Haul pulled up behind a long line of cars waiting at a stop light. The Turtle was helping his friend move today moving today and was hoping to finish the job as quickly as possible since he was promised pizza and beer afterwards. The turtle could see that the light up ahead had just turned green but no one seemed to be moving. Usually, the Turtle was the type to wait a little bit before honking his horn to let the folks in front of him know the light has turned green and they could go. But, today time was of the essence, and this stop light just so happened to be nicknamed the longest red light in the city, and every second counted. 

So he honked.

The car in front of the Turtle was occupied by a Skunk who was scrolling through their phone. The Skunk was startled by the honk but appreciated it nonetheless since the stoplight had indeed turned green and no one was moving. The Skunk wasn’t doing anything important anyway, just scrolling while watching various people, in various videos, doing various things nearly none of which the Skunk could remember the second she stopped scrolling.

And so, the Skunk passed along the honk she received to the car in front of her.

The car in front of the skunk was occupied by a Frog. The Frog had been having a wonderful day. One of those days where it feels like you’re floating and daydreaming and living life so lightly. The Frog was totally zen and zoned out. Everything was fascinating to her the trees, the sky, the color of the day. All of it. The Frog was actually enjoying their time being stopped at the light allowing herself to feel still amidst the hustle and bustle of traffic all around her. But, the Frog knew all things must come to an end so she accepted the honk from behind her and then gently passed it on to the car in front of her.

In front of the Frog was a car driven by a Bear. The Bear had just got off working a double shift at the steel mill and was really on his very last nerves. He needed to get home and get some rest so he could return to being his normal, neutral, self. When the honk came from behind him his immediate reaction was to be absolutely furious. How dare someone honk at him! He’s been on shift for nearly 24 hours trying to keep this country going, god damn it! Everyone around here should be showing him some god damned respect! The Bear was ready to turn and give the honker a piece of his mind when he found some way, deep within himself, to summon the last bit of grace and understanding he could. He looked up to see the light had turned green. He was tired. He wanted to get home. He didn’t want to wait at the longest light in the city anymore than anyone else so he laid on his horn and passed on the honk to the person in front of him.

The honk from the Bear finally reached the first car at the stop light, which was being driven by a Rabbit. The Rabbit, like everyone else, was scrolling through his phone and he immediately knew that honk was meant for him. The Rabbit felt so inconsiderate and embarrassed for holding up the line like that. It really is the particular responsibility of being the first car at a stop light to move when the light turns green and not hold anyone up. There could be people back there that needed to be rushed to the hospital, or need to get to a hot date, or even a file important paperwork to run for elected office. But when the Rabbit put his phone away and looked up at the light, and it was still red.

“Why the heck is everyone honking at me?” Thought the Rabbit, “I didn’t do anything wrong! Everyone except me is a dumb, impatient, nincompoopic, jerk these days."

The Rabbit thought about turning and flicking the Bear off but ultimately decided against it since you never know how on the edge folks are these days and who might be carrying weaponry. Instead, he went back to his phone and started scrolling through more videos that he didn’t know he was going to watch till he watched them, and waited for the longest light in the city to finally turn green.